Letter No.5

"Andre, darling, it's a pleasure to see you, but I don't want Mammon to find out anything about us. I just wanted to let you know that I won't marry your sister if it would cause you pain. I don't want to be the one to break you. Please let me know if you want me to say no to the marriage and be with you until the end of time.

Love, S."

Stolas, my dearest, 

I had to break my own heart and write you that it's okay to marry her. I wished you two happiness of the best kind. But you can't even imagine how much it hurt to tell you this. I knew our parents would kill you if you said no to the marriage. I also knew that they would kill me too if they found out the real reason. So when the waitress came to collect our empty glasses, not only did I order a Bloody Mary, but I handed her my answer too, to let her give it to you.

"Stolee, I love you both too much to let our parents kill either of you I can't say that. Please just agree to this marriage and be happy. Find love for each other and raise beautiful children.

Best wishes, A."

I thought that if I break myself, your marriage won't be able to break me more. I wished you two the best life, from the bottom of my heart. I really hoped that this marriage would work out for you two. I saw teardrops appearing in the corner of your eyes when you read my note, and you didn't hesitate to teleport yourself to somewhere else, after leaving a huge tip for the waitress. I thought that would be the last time I saw you, but I forgot that your marriage will be a family event, so our ways stayed connected, but in an other way from what we thought. After Mammon got too drunk to be capable of talking more about themself or their tour, we said goodbye, and I made a path of ice for myself, so I could ice-skate home, to disappear as quick as possible. These times I was very jealous of your powers, my dark lord. I wanted to disappear for good. But I also wanted to be with you for one more night. But I knew it wouldn't be right. When I got home, I went straight to bed and tried to fall asleep while hugging my pillow, imagining it being you. I could barely fall asleep.

In the morning after my self-care morning routine the first thing I did was that I called my sister to let her know my new phone number.

- Stella, it's me, Andrealphus.

- Andre! Come home! Our parents were looking for you for one week! Where in Hell are you??

- Stella, I won't go home anymore. 

- Why? Why now? I'm getting married, Andre, I need you to make my wedding dress! Please come home!

- What? You're really getting married? To whom? - I acted excited for her, but on the inside I wanted to cry. I really wanted her to say an other name. An other than yours. Your name belongs to me, Stolas, please don't let anyone ruin this for us.

- You won't believe, but the most glowing scarlet-eyed prince of Hell, your friend, Stolas proposed to me this morning.

- I.. - I stopped breathing for a minute. I knew she was going to say this, but I wasn't ready to hear that. It felt so unreal and unfair. - Congratulations, my beautiful sister! - I couldn't say more. I already had that crying voice, but thankfully she was so excited for the marriage that she didn't even notice. - I- I have to go now, but talk to you later. Bye! - I didn't even wait for her to say goodbye or say anything else, I had to hang up the phone, before I started to cry my heart out.

I couldn't hold back my tears, I had to lock my room's door. I didn't want my servants see me this way. It was so embarrassing. I knew about this for a week, why did it still hurt this bad? I needed to get more tough, more cold. I really needed to get myself stronger. My sister really wanted me to make her a wedding gown? I wish she knew how much that hurt me on the inside. But of course, it's family, and it's money. A royalty like her can't be seen in anything cheaper than one of my personalised dresses. I really needed to get myself together, because I couldn't say no to a job, especially if it was for family. I also didn't want to let any of them see my pain. It would ruin my sister's big day, and nobody wanted that. They would have too many questions. I could lie that those are the tears of joy, and that I'm just so proud of my sister getting married, but I wouldn't be able to keep up the lies for years or even decades.

In my head I knew exactly what kind of dress my sister would want, so I quickly drew a sketch, already in tears, with multiple whining attacks. When I finished, I quickly put it at the bottom of one drawer, and turned on your favourite telenovela, so I "had a reason" to cry my eyes out. I texted Sergio, my number one servant to get me a bucket of marshmallow ice cream with a big spoon. I couldn't talk. I did not want them to know I could be vulnerable. When Sergio came with the ice cream, I didn't open my door, just texted them to leave it in front of my door and tell everyone to take the rest of the day off. Even the guards. But I also told Sergio to let the guards know to still keep an eye on anyone approaching my castle.

The whole mansion became dead silent soon. It felt right to be alone, but it also was a bit scary. I wished you could've hugged me, Stolas. That was the moment I realised how much I needed you in my life. To hug me, to hold my hand, to say everything will be okay, to hold me, to kiss me. To love me more than anything.

Please come back to me, you angelic creature.

Yours forever,
Andrealphus ❄️