Letter No.8

Stolas, my dearest,

The moment my assistant called me about Stella's dress being ready, you can't even imagine how mad I got. I immediately rushed to the saloon to take care of the dress. Not in the usual, call the client, give them their dress kind of way. I wanted to take it to a dark alley and cut it up into small pieces or burn it, so there would be nothing left of it. Not even a clue that a dress ever existed on that hanger. But the moment before I could've touched the flame of my precious silver-coated lighter to the edge of the smooth silk skirt, I changed my mind. This dress was one of my most expensive artworks. Yes, it was an artwork. I had to think of my sister as a client. Not as someone who took the love of my life away from me. It was very hard. But I had to try. In case I'd ruin her gown, I wouldn't ever make it again. And I know she would never forgive me for "losing" her one and only wedding dress. She would ask me to make it again, or make an other one - for free, of course.

After I put the dress away, in the back of our orders' closet, I told my assistant that they should call Stella to arrange an appointment for her to come and try on the bridal gown. She of course had to take the whole family with her, so that afternoon all of my family members tried to squeeze into the tiny showroom to see Stella in that huge, fluffy, but elegantly beautiful dress. It was unique for sure. Some family members started crying as she stepped out from behind the curtains of the changing room. She almost started crying too. The dress was perfect. But she didn't want to ruin her makeup, nor wanted the family to see her crying. She didn't even have a thought about tears, and makeup mixed with tears ruining her brand new, carefully handmade dress. This made my previous thoughts come back to life. What if a few buckets of different coloured paints accidentally fell on her dress? Or what if some crazy, stoned little imps accidentally scratched the dress to pieces overnight? What if her dress accidentally stayed outside during a huge storm, soaking all layers of fabric and ruining it? One family member started to talk to me, so I had to try to focus my thoughts to be able to listen and reply. I still had a day with the dress in the store, since Stella couldn't take it home with her, so she asked our transporters to deliver it to her tomorrow. After the family left, I kept thinking of ways to ruin my artwork that whole day. When the last client for the day left, I sent my assistant home too. I closed the shop and turned off the lights in the front. I kept a headlight on, in the showroom, to only enlighten my sister's dress. I sat there in the dark, "eye to eye" with that huge white artwork. I was thinking... Maybe I could try to remove one layer carefully to make it less fluffy, less cotton-candy like. Or to make the top see-through. Maybe she would've even liked that option though. She's never been that good girl type. I almost started to cut one of the threads holding one layer to the other, when someone started knocking on the store's window. I carefully switched the spotlight off, and tip-toed to the front room, in the shadows. I could see your always glowing scarlet eyes desperately searching for a living soul inside. I didn't want to open the door for you this time. I was too hurt. I was emotionally overwhelmed. I could not talk to you that evening, when I was ready to make a move to destroy your fiancée's dress. I just quietly watched you knocking again and again, waiting for someone to answer. But I did not. I was already in tears by the time you gave up. Your eyes' glow let me know that you felt very sad too, before you left. I had no idea what you wanted, but I knew you'd never show up at my workplace before notifying me first. I just kept thinking about the reason of your visit. I even forgot about Stella's dress. I just left it there, in the middle of the showroom and grabbed my stuffs. I remembered I had a hoodie of yours hidden somewhere in the shop, so I looked for that and put it on, to hide myself in that oversized, yet precious mess. I walked home, like a stupid high-schooler wearing their boyfriend's hoodie. I don't know why it felt so good to hide in such a casual piece of clothing, but I did it anyways.

When I arrived to my castle, the guards didn't want to let me in, since they knew I'd never wear a hoodie in public, on purpose. But when they successfully identified my royal self, they apologised and walked me to the entrance. I went to the kitchen to cry my thoughts out to my chef. They listened and promised to keep everything a secret. What happens in the kitchen, stays in the kitchen. They told me that I should've at least listened to what you wanted, so I'll think about it. Maybe I'll ask for the reason of your visit when I see you again.

I miss you, my flaming crimson-eyed demon prince!

With all my heart,
Andrealphus ❄️

Letter No.7

Stolas, my dearest,

The first thing I did in the store was to tell my assistant that Stella will come today too. I had no idea when she'd want to come, but I had to tell my assistant, that no matter who else is in the saloon, they'd have to take over the other client for me, since my sister only wants to work with me, because she can't trust anyone else.

I could imagine only two options: she'd come right in the morning, to be the first client of the day, or she'd get a proper beauty sleep, and only come in the afternoon. Well, she wasn't the first one. After we finished with 7 clients, 4 of them were brides, and we started the 8th client - you wouldn't guess, but also a bride, my sister finally arrived. I already had the sketch prepared, that I drew for her. She came with some pictures of what she had in mind, but when she looked at my drawing, she changed her mind immediately and wanted the dress I drew for her. I brought some dresses for her to try on, which were pretty similar to the sketch in some way, so she could imagine the dress on herself. She tried on every dress I gave her, and also every other style too, to make sure she'll have the perfect dress. My assistant had to deal with 4 other clients during Stella's visit. She just never understands that I have other clients too, and I have to be with them too. So 10 minutes before closing the store, she finally chose the dress I sketched for her, gave me some other details she wanted me to add or change, and she let us take her measurements to start making the dress. She didn't know yet when the wedding would be, but she wanted the dress as soon as possible, so we could improve the details and make sure everything's perfect for the big day.

I won't describe what the final drafts looked like, because it's bad luck for the groom to see the bride's dress before the wedding. And I know you're pretty good at imagining outfits, since you know me very well and I've told you so much about dresses, and I showed you a lot of dresses too. I know you won't see this letter either - hopefully, but I'm just trying to make sure not to ruin your marriage. She told me that money doesn't matter in the making of the dress, but I really hope she'll pay for it, and she won't just say well, it stays in the family, right? No, it doesn't. Our family doesn't produce raw material for my business. They don't help my business in any ways. So I hope she doesn't expect a free 50 000 Mammon-dollar worth of dress from me. 

After she left the store, I put her order to the urgent orders, and served the last customer too. I apologised to my assistant for Stella's behaviour and for them having to serve the customers alone half the day. They said no problem, but I felt guilty, so I told them they get tomorrow as a paid work-free day. I locked the doors after putting everything to its place, and I headed to the closest pub to grab a drink. Saloon Uncensored was known for its strippers in the secret rooms. But this time I wasn't in the mood for any of those shows, so I just sat to the bar and ordered their darkest cocktail, a Black Devil Martini. Thank Lucifer, noone I knew came there tonight, so I could drink that in peace. I mean I could've, but my thoughts just couldn't chill. I was thinking about taking a longer way home, passing by your house. But I realised that it would be a terrible idea, because seeing you, or your place would just break my heart even more. And I just could not handle it today. Stella told me more than enough details about you, the proposal and her plans for your honeymoon. She wants to use your teleporting powers to go to Hawaii or some that kind of nice island on Earth. Now that these thoughts came to my mind, I realised that I'll need a Dark and Stormy rum cocktail, before I left the bar for the night.

After my second drink, I paid and left. I was not really in the mood to walk all the way up to my castle, so I ordered a taxi and told the driver to bring me to the Windy Tips. From there I tried to ice skate to the palace as fast as I could, but it felt like ages til I got there. I went straight to the kitchen to grab a glass of rum, and asked the chef what he made for dinner. Thankfully he made some of my favourite meals, and some blackberry cake for desserts. Even though I felt pretty full after that dinner, I looked for some ice cream in the freezer. I found only a chocolate chip-mint one, so I sat down to watch your favourite telenovela eating that gross ice cream. I hate mint, but I forgot to tell Sergio what kind of ice cream I want them to buy, so they bought this, because the cashier thought everyone loves chocolate chip-mint Ugh. They definitely have never met me. And your telenovela, my dark lord? I can't have worse luck... Today's episode was about a wedding. I'll probably have to remove wedding dresses from my store's offer. I just feel like I could vomit every time someone mentions weddings, bride, groom, husband, or anything marriage related. Maybe I didn't even want to marry you. But I'm pretty sure I want to spend all my life with you. Not as just a brother-in-law. As the love of your life. Because that's who you are to me. The love of my life. My soulmate. Maybe you'll never understand, but I'm almost a 100% sure that I won't ever find anyone I could love at least as much as I love you, and anyone who could make me feel the way I feel with you. You make me feel worthy. Yea, sure, I act confident and I act egoist, I act like someone who loves themself, but little do you know. I hated myself before you. You made me realise that I'm worthy of love too. I deserve love too. I deserve to be cared about. I deserve happiness. It's a little ironic that you showed me these, but now you're pushing me back to that dark pit of self-hate and depression.

I hope one day we'll have the chance to be together again.

Always yours,
Andrealphus ❄️

Letter No.6

Stolas, my dearest, 

The TV was on, at the max volume, but I still could hear you saying the words of your letter... They echoed in my mind for several hours, and I really couldn't sleep... "I just wanted to let you know that I won't marry your sister", but you just proposed to her in the morning... You WILL marry her. I know you didn't want to, because I saw the tears in your eyes... But you still do... You can't say no to your parents... You can't be rebellious just for once. You're "too royal" to do anything like that, right? Why did I ever thought that I had a chance with a big name in Hell, like you... Next time maybe I should try getting together with Lucifer himself, that could be easier probably... Did you ever even try to come out to your parents about being gay? Do they even know I exist?

After overthinking for hours, I finally fell asleep somehow. But after a few hours, I woke up, because I had a feeling that someone was watching me. I looked around, but I didn't see anyone anywhere, and I was pretty sure that noone was in my mansion, and if anyone tried to come near the palace, my guards or Sergio would've texted me about it. I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. My kitchen was relatively far from my bedroom, so my cooks' work and chit-chatting would never bother me. But this time of the night all those long ice-hallways were scary. Every step of mine echoed into the nothingness. I have no idea if I were just hallucinating, but I saw your eyes' scarlet glow reflecting at some parts of the ice floor and walls creating a creepy crimson effect in the night. I don't know if it really was you, or just my half-asleep imagination wanting you to be there, but I don't know which option would've hurt more. If it was you watching me, you didn't say a word. Probably you were depressed too, so I have no idea why you would watch me being depressed... You could've at least laid next to me in bed and cuddled me for a last time without guilt... But you didn't. I made myself my usual spicy Irish Cream tea, with some chili and whisky in it and drank it on my way back to my room. I laid back to my bed, and rolled my weighted blanket around myself, to feel like someone was cuddling me. I stared at the ceiling for a while before I could fall back asleep. The crimson lights were playing on my ceiling too. It probably was not you, because I'm pretty sure you'd at least touch me secretly, or come, lay next to me. The lights probably came from the faraway Imp City's night life. Those little imps always know how to have fun. I've never seen one being depressed...

I knew I had to sleep, because te next day I had to go to work. I couldn't cancel more clients, and I also had to give a VIP appointment to my sister. She wanted the dress to be ready as soon as possible, so she wanted to get an appointment for tomorrow to take her measurements and ideas about the dress. I had to sleep at least 6 hours to be able to listen to her and her plans without crying my heart out again. I tried to think of those crimson lights on my ceiling as if they were you keeping an eye on me. This was the only way I could fall asleep now. I had to make up you being there. I thought about how you were watching me through my window, and how you could just teleport yourself next to me to cuddle me, or just levitate above me to watch me sleep. I have no idea why you'd ever do that, because that's creepy, and also I'm pretty ugly with my cried-out eyes, sleeping like an animal. I just tried to imagine the feeling of you laying next to me, and holding my hand. The memory of that feeling was enough for me to finally fall asleep.

I had some terrible nightmares about the scarlet lights on my ceiling. In my dreams it turned out to be fire. Some raging teenage imps set my beautiful gardens on fire, and half my castle melted that night. Fortunately none of this was true. After my morning cold shower I called Sergio to check my workers' schedule, so only the most essential ones had to come in to work, the others could take the day off, since I had to go to my store for most of today. I did my glorious makeup, but when I realised that today I'll have multiple brides, and even my sister in the shop, I washed it off. It would just get ruined, because even the thought of marriage makes me cry since you told me you had to marry my sister. I put on some less glamorous, waterproof ice-cold blue eyeshadow and some fancy black and white - of course waterproof - eyeliner. I picked a black outfit for today, since I was grieving a relationship. My outfit was a body-fitting floor-length dress, with some black leather high heels, with straps, and I picked out a pair of long, black, silk gloves. I felt like a necklace would've been a bit too much, so I just left my everyday bracelets on, one of which was a friendship bracelet I got from you. I also decided to wear some rings. My deep blue azurite jewelry set matched this outfit perfectly. I completed my look with a solid black and silver purse, and I headed off to work.

Wish me luck for today!

With all my love,
Andrealphus ❄️

Letter No.5

"Andre, darling, it's a pleasure to see you, but I don't want Mammon to find out anything about us. I just wanted to let you know that I won't marry your sister if it would cause you pain. I don't want to be the one to break you. Please let me know if you want me to say no to the marriage and be with you until the end of time.

Love, S."

Stolas, my dearest, 

I had to break my own heart and write you that it's okay to marry her. I wished you two happiness of the best kind. But you can't even imagine how much it hurt to tell you this. I knew our parents would kill you if you said no to the marriage. I also knew that they would kill me too if they found out the real reason. So when the waitress came to collect our empty glasses, not only did I order a Bloody Mary, but I handed her my answer too, to let her give it to you.

"Stolee, I love you both too much to let our parents kill either of you I can't say that. Please just agree to this marriage and be happy. Find love for each other and raise beautiful children.

Best wishes, A."

I thought that if I break myself, your marriage won't be able to break me more. I wished you two the best life, from the bottom of my heart. I really hoped that this marriage would work out for you two. I saw teardrops appearing in the corner of your eyes when you read my note, and you didn't hesitate to teleport yourself to somewhere else, after leaving a huge tip for the waitress. I thought that would be the last time I saw you, but I forgot that your marriage will be a family event, so our ways stayed connected, but in an other way from what we thought. After Mammon got too drunk to be capable of talking more about themself or their tour, we said goodbye, and I made a path of ice for myself, so I could ice-skate home, to disappear as quick as possible. These times I was very jealous of your powers, my dark lord. I wanted to disappear for good. But I also wanted to be with you for one more night. But I knew it wouldn't be right. When I got home, I went straight to bed and tried to fall asleep while hugging my pillow, imagining it being you. I could barely fall asleep.

In the morning after my self-care morning routine the first thing I did was that I called my sister to let her know my new phone number.

- Stella, it's me, Andrealphus.

- Andre! Come home! Our parents were looking for you for one week! Where in Hell are you??

- Stella, I won't go home anymore. 

- Why? Why now? I'm getting married, Andre, I need you to make my wedding dress! Please come home!

- What? You're really getting married? To whom? - I acted excited for her, but on the inside I wanted to cry. I really wanted her to say an other name. An other than yours. Your name belongs to me, Stolas, please don't let anyone ruin this for us.

- You won't believe, but the most glowing scarlet-eyed prince of Hell, your friend, Stolas proposed to me this morning.

- I.. - I stopped breathing for a minute. I knew she was going to say this, but I wasn't ready to hear that. It felt so unreal and unfair. - Congratulations, my beautiful sister! - I couldn't say more. I already had that crying voice, but thankfully she was so excited for the marriage that she didn't even notice. - I- I have to go now, but talk to you later. Bye! - I didn't even wait for her to say goodbye or say anything else, I had to hang up the phone, before I started to cry my heart out.

I couldn't hold back my tears, I had to lock my room's door. I didn't want my servants see me this way. It was so embarrassing. I knew about this for a week, why did it still hurt this bad? I needed to get more tough, more cold. I really needed to get myself stronger. My sister really wanted me to make her a wedding gown? I wish she knew how much that hurt me on the inside. But of course, it's family, and it's money. A royalty like her can't be seen in anything cheaper than one of my personalised dresses. I really needed to get myself together, because I couldn't say no to a job, especially if it was for family. I also didn't want to let any of them see my pain. It would ruin my sister's big day, and nobody wanted that. They would have too many questions. I could lie that those are the tears of joy, and that I'm just so proud of my sister getting married, but I wouldn't be able to keep up the lies for years or even decades.

In my head I knew exactly what kind of dress my sister would want, so I quickly drew a sketch, already in tears, with multiple whining attacks. When I finished, I quickly put it at the bottom of one drawer, and turned on your favourite telenovela, so I "had a reason" to cry my eyes out. I texted Sergio, my number one servant to get me a bucket of marshmallow ice cream with a big spoon. I couldn't talk. I did not want them to know I could be vulnerable. When Sergio came with the ice cream, I didn't open my door, just texted them to leave it in front of my door and tell everyone to take the rest of the day off. Even the guards. But I also told Sergio to let the guards know to still keep an eye on anyone approaching my castle.

The whole mansion became dead silent soon. It felt right to be alone, but it also was a bit scary. I wished you could've hugged me, Stolas. That was the moment I realised how much I needed you in my life. To hug me, to hold my hand, to say everything will be okay, to hold me, to kiss me. To love me more than anything.

Please come back to me, you angelic creature.

Yours forever,
Andrealphus ❄️