Letter No.6

Stolas, my dearest, 

The TV was on, at the max volume, but I still could hear you saying the words of your letter... They echoed in my mind for several hours, and I really couldn't sleep... "I just wanted to let you know that I won't marry your sister", but you just proposed to her in the morning... You WILL marry her. I know you didn't want to, because I saw the tears in your eyes... But you still do... You can't say no to your parents... You can't be rebellious just for once. You're "too royal" to do anything like that, right? Why did I ever thought that I had a chance with a big name in Hell, like you... Next time maybe I should try getting together with Lucifer himself, that could be easier probably... Did you ever even try to come out to your parents about being gay? Do they even know I exist?

After overthinking for hours, I finally fell asleep somehow. But after a few hours, I woke up, because I had a feeling that someone was watching me. I looked around, but I didn't see anyone anywhere, and I was pretty sure that noone was in my mansion, and if anyone tried to come near the palace, my guards or Sergio would've texted me about it. I went to the kitchen to make myself a cup of tea. My kitchen was relatively far from my bedroom, so my cooks' work and chit-chatting would never bother me. But this time of the night all those long ice-hallways were scary. Every step of mine echoed into the nothingness. I have no idea if I were just hallucinating, but I saw your eyes' scarlet glow reflecting at some parts of the ice floor and walls creating a creepy crimson effect in the night. I don't know if it really was you, or just my half-asleep imagination wanting you to be there, but I don't know which option would've hurt more. If it was you watching me, you didn't say a word. Probably you were depressed too, so I have no idea why you would watch me being depressed... You could've at least laid next to me in bed and cuddled me for a last time without guilt... But you didn't. I made myself my usual spicy Irish Cream tea, with some chili and whisky in it and drank it on my way back to my room. I laid back to my bed, and rolled my weighted blanket around myself, to feel like someone was cuddling me. I stared at the ceiling for a while before I could fall back asleep. The crimson lights were playing on my ceiling too. It probably was not you, because I'm pretty sure you'd at least touch me secretly, or come, lay next to me. The lights probably came from the faraway Imp City's night life. Those little imps always know how to have fun. I've never seen one being depressed...

I knew I had to sleep, because te next day I had to go to work. I couldn't cancel more clients, and I also had to give a VIP appointment to my sister. She wanted the dress to be ready as soon as possible, so she wanted to get an appointment for tomorrow to take her measurements and ideas about the dress. I had to sleep at least 6 hours to be able to listen to her and her plans without crying my heart out again. I tried to think of those crimson lights on my ceiling as if they were you keeping an eye on me. This was the only way I could fall asleep now. I had to make up you being there. I thought about how you were watching me through my window, and how you could just teleport yourself next to me to cuddle me, or just levitate above me to watch me sleep. I have no idea why you'd ever do that, because that's creepy, and also I'm pretty ugly with my cried-out eyes, sleeping like an animal. I just tried to imagine the feeling of you laying next to me, and holding my hand. The memory of that feeling was enough for me to finally fall asleep.

I had some terrible nightmares about the scarlet lights on my ceiling. In my dreams it turned out to be fire. Some raging teenage imps set my beautiful gardens on fire, and half my castle melted that night. Fortunately none of this was true. After my morning cold shower I called Sergio to check my workers' schedule, so only the most essential ones had to come in to work, the others could take the day off, since I had to go to my store for most of today. I did my glorious makeup, but when I realised that today I'll have multiple brides, and even my sister in the shop, I washed it off. It would just get ruined, because even the thought of marriage makes me cry since you told me you had to marry my sister. I put on some less glamorous, waterproof ice-cold blue eyeshadow and some fancy black and white - of course waterproof - eyeliner. I picked a black outfit for today, since I was grieving a relationship. My outfit was a body-fitting floor-length dress, with some black leather high heels, with straps, and I picked out a pair of long, black, silk gloves. I felt like a necklace would've been a bit too much, so I just left my everyday bracelets on, one of which was a friendship bracelet I got from you. I also decided to wear some rings. My deep blue azurite jewelry set matched this outfit perfectly. I completed my look with a solid black and silver purse, and I headed off to work.

Wish me luck for today!

With all my love,
Andrealphus ❄️